1. You can go cheap on a lot of things. Ziploc bags are not one of them.
2. Rhetoric and writing skills will get you a long way. Maybe all the way through a class…Or a degree.
3. Some work just isn’t worth the money. *ref: Greek Sing dress rehearsal
4. Pro-life and Global warming are two of the poorest word choices and potentially misunderstood terms in America. Pro-life is restricted solely to government restriction of abortion, but bears no significance to being in favor of life in the cases of war or the death penalty. Global warming is the term that damned the plausibility of what should in fact be termed global climate change. The theory is not that the earth is constantly getting warmer, but that humans are affecting the stability of weather in a negative manner based on the chemicals and gases being put into the ecosystem. Thanks Al Gore.
5. It’s not the grades you make, it’s the hands you shake.
6. There’s no such thing as bad pizza.
7. It is still sometimes worth it to pay for good pizza.
8. Most classic rock is not enjoyable except in extreme moderation.
9. Country sucks more.
10. Sometimes the humor is worth more than your ego.
11. Public transportation is a tool of the marginalized and a vehicle toward further marginalization. *ref- Miami mission trip
12. The more you learn about religion, the more faith plays a role. *ref- History of Christianity, Intro to New Testament, Intro to Hebrew Scriptures
13. I’ve been cursed with my dad’s ridiculous sense of humor and love of puns. *ref- every joke I make
14. If you are good enough, you can make that sense of humor work. *ref- YT, Drew
15. Theme Parties RULE! *ref- Jersey Shore, Tacky Sweater, Redneck, Rave Pt. 1-4, Black and White, Wine and Cheese, Pirates Booty, etc.
16. Being absurd is way more fun than sitting back and judging the absurdity.
17. If a professor walks in and is cussing on the first day, the class will likely be entertaining and informative. *ref: Sutton: “This class is rated MA for language, mature content, and brief nudity, which means I can say whatever the *%#* I want.”
18. Walking into Sky Bar and seeing a guy with a cowboy hat on stage in the back room is one of life’s greatest disappointments.
19. If you are looking for something that no one should ever wear, go to K-Mart.
20. Painting up at football games gives you the right to slap the players’ butts after a win. *ref- my hand on Antonio Coleman’s butt
21. Intramurals rule.
22. Spank your children.
23. The middle school principals were right, guys should always wear belts. It really does make a difference in your appearance.
24. I hate museums and parades.
25. Fireworks are only cool if they play the song from the night game on Sandlot during them.
26. Pigtails/ French braids are still cute.
27. There’s nothing funnier than punching a koala.
28. Sometimes the best nights come just chatting with friends with the sounds of an acoustic guitar in the background.
29. Leggings are pants, and girls belts are merely for decorations. Uggs are still stupid.
30. After locating your classes and figuring out your routes, you must locate your high quality bathrooms in buildings of interest.
31. Dogs are not a man’s best friend. Gold Bond is.
32. Wearing costumes on Halloween is cool again.
33. Having a wide array of friend groups is the optimal way to go through life for maximum enjoyment.
34. The Church is changing and the ones that don’t change will quickly cease to exist.
35. Some songs transcend music. *ref- Party in the U.S.A.
36. Regardless of what they say, girls think farting noises are funny.
37. It’s easier to keep your apartment clean along the way, than try to clean three years worth of grime off at once. Whoops. *ref- Move-out ‘010
38. Glowsticks and marinara sauce make anything better. *These are in addition to the previously known pepperoni and Hormel chili.
39. Everyone should own a light-up Frisbee.
40. I really enjoy writing. It’s a shame that I only do it when it relates to sports or when I am being super-sentimental.
41. Every kid should learn to play an instrument.
42. I never want to have a desk job.
43. People have the primal desire to pee anywhere but toilets, and especially in forbidden or daring places.
44. Every college student should live in the dorms freshman year. And have a light up frisbee.
45. Duty may be the funniest word in the world.
46. I could eat an entire gallon bucket of Laffy Taffy just for the amusement of reading the jokes.
47. If you have to rely on excessive yelling or hand gestures in order to create comedy, you probably aren’t funny. *ref- Vince Vaughan, Dane Cook, Conan O’Brian
48. You can bomb the world to pieces, but you can’t bomb it into peace.
49. There’s no time like the present. There’s no present like time.
50. If you get the choice to sit it out or dance…Dance!
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